I’m away on holiday until the 13th February, so I’ll leave you with some tile humour.

Well, it may be humour!

Dado:
“Could I interest you in one of these, Madam.”

Decor:
Plain tiles with a consistent visible fault.

Description:
Product specification characterised by its complete absence from all tile boxes and price lists.

Design:
Someone else’s idea with your name on it.

Displays:
Obsolete; the chance to show off just how bad a tiler you are. Now universally superseded by Blu Tak.

Dispute:
A pointless discussion that you will never win.

Discontinued:
Industry standard description of any tile launched more than three months ago.

Discount:
The most feared word in the industry.

Distressed:
A term used to describe third grade marble or terrazzo tiles on sale at premium prices.

Distributors:
The gods of the tile industry.

Donkey Boards:
Cunning tiling display system designed to trap small children’s fingers, causing them to scream loudly and help clear the showroom at 5 o’clock.

With thanks to Dr Grout AKA Tony Hyde

Diary of a Tile Addict January/February 2017