I’m away on holiday until the 13th February, so I’ll leave you with some tile humour.

Well, it may be humour!

Euphemistically speaking

Duties will vary  Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail  No quality assurance department.

Career-minded  Female applicants must be childless (and remain so).

Apply in person  If you’re old, fat, ugly or support Chelsea, the position has been filled.

Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience  You’ll do the work of the three people who just quit.

Problem-solving skills a must  You’re walking into perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills  Management responsibilities without the pay or the respect.

With thanks to Dr Grout  AKA Tony Hyde.

Diary of a Tile Addict January/February 2017