Tiling Thesaurus: J – L

I’m away on holiday until the 13th February, so I’ll leave you with some tile humour.

Well, it may be humour!

Gap left between tiles. Following development of a new European standard, this gap has been standardised to be “never less than a bit” and “never more than a lot.”

Cooking appliance capable of producing 3000 pizzas per hour.

Continental word which roughly translates as hard to cut (obs shatter). Only available in strange sizes and, therefore, adored by English architects.

Large format:
Fanciful invention of Continental manufacturers unable to calculate the number of 6in tiles needed per sq. metre and who have never owned a small white van!

The closest the tile industry gets to sex.

What tiling contractors get from their workforce on querying another lame excuse for leaving the site early.

The tiling equivalent to Pandora’s Box – every opening guaranteed to surprise!

With thanks to Dr Grout AKA Tony Hyde

Diary of a Tile Addict January/February 2017

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